Whirlpool of Grief
Over the years many different models and theories have been used to help people navigate the feelings of grief that need to be processed before we can move forwards into a new life without whatever it is that has been lost. It does not need to be a death that leads to the complex mix of grief emotions that surface, often at unexpected times. Grief represents so many different losses including divorce, death, loss of a job, a house move and more. We all have unique ways of dealing with loss but I have learnt that our feelings need to be processed in order to understand what that specific loss means to us.
Whirlpool of Grief
One model that has helped me to visualise the process of grieving is Dr Richard Wilson’s ‘Whirlpool of Grief’. The journey of grief is illustrated as follows:
Our initial movement through life is represented by a person in a boat moving through the everyday ‘River of Life’.
When we experience loss, it is as if we are plunged down the ‘Waterfall of Bereavement’ which may be a shock, and link with numbness and denial.
Falling into the ‘Whirlpool of Grief’ is likened to the emotional disorganisation and upheaval after the loss, often a time of anger, guilt, anxiety, stress etc.
Immediately afterwards you might find yourself washed up on the ‘Banks of the River’, feeling stuck and unable to move forwards, especially if moving forwards means returning into the disorganisation of the ‘Whirlpool’.
Being thrown ‘On the Rocks’ at the edge of the Whirlpool represents the pain of the loss that can hit us at unexpected times.
Finally, moving into the lower part of the river and into a new stream shows the path towards acceptance of the reality of the loss and movement towards reorganisation and loving again.
After the death of my husband, I can empathise with the sudden disruption to life after loss. As a happily married couple, we were travelling along a river of life that we had got to know and thought we understood. Although it was not always easy, our ride had been relatively smooth up until the diagnosis but nothing prepared me for the shock of bereavement or the feeling of falling down the waterfall into the mix of grief emotions that is the metaphorical whirlpool. Having spent time both stuck on the sandbanks and the painful rocks, I finally feel that I have lived through our turbulent phase and I am in a new calmer stream where I can put distance between myself and all that has happened.
Emma’s thoughts:
This Whirlpool model may be a frightening image, but it shows the importance to seek help when we are struggling as it may help us process the feelings quicker.
Shared experiences can be expanded on with additional imagery, such as others in the boat who can help, buoyancy aids, the structure of the boat etc.
We all have individual journeys, and our grief is as unique as we are.
Trust the process: we need to allow the grief to unfold so that we can move forwards to calmer waters.
“Grief softened into tears and I let her flow” Angie Weiland-Crosby